Asking Eric: My friends say they’re buddies with my mom and I’m making things weird

Dear Eric I live in a small town about five hours from my parents who live in the biggest city in our state They have a beautiful home with a great downstairs room that is perfect to stay in when I visit Related Articles Asking Eric My brother wants to reconnect I just want the Asking Eric The kid who smiled while he tortured his brother is not normal Asking Eric They refuse to take their stuff out of my garage Asking Eric I was just rubbing my son s head and my husband got weirded out Asking Eric The party was in the yard but this one guest wouldn t leave my house My father has Parkinson s so I go there close to every month to hang out and try to make life for my mom a little easier Sometimes I ll go up with a friend for a concert and my parents welcome that person or persons with open arms cooking meals and letting us use their house But lately several of my friends who have joined me on these trips have now become buddies with my mom and are asking her if they can stay up there without me The first time this happened the friend called me and solicited if I was OK with him asking but the second time it was a different friend wanting to stay there with his girlfriend and he never solicited me For particular reason it feels like being taken advantage of and I let him know that I wasn t content with the situation and felt like there requirements to be boundaries In the aftermath they treat me like I m the bad guy because my mom was OK with them staying so they blame me for making it weird Am I in the wrong here and should I just let my mom deal with it or is it good to set chosen boundaries Full House Dear House Boundaries are great and boundaries are internal they re guardrails that we set for ourselves regarding what we will and won t accept or do Other people don t have to follow our boundaries however When they don t there can be consequences but boundaries aren t edicts So it s good that you expressed the way you felt otherwise you d be stewing And honestly I don t think it s totally unreasonable to ask your friends to check in with you before crashing with your parents even if it s just a heads-up But we can t force other people to behave in the means that we want If your parents don t feel taken advantage of then it s best to let them play host when they so desire trusting that if it was an inconvenience they d say no There s no bad guy here Weirdness happens weird feelings happen I wish your friends had been able to see your point-of-view and talk it out But it s not too late to circle back with them and reset Dear Eric As a physician I disagree with your advice to Caring Friend the writer whose friend was experiencing intermittent blindness but wouldn t get physiological care because they experience claustrophobia in MRI machines Either way this will not end well for the writer If the friend dies the writer will feel long-lasting guilt for not pushing harder If the friend suffers further damage the writer will be blamed for not being a stronger friend The writer necessities to send the friend a note or better yet an email so that there is a record saying that they will no longer be in contact unless the friend sees a physician Physicians face this type of dilemma every day Patients don t take our advice yet blame us for the consequences We are used to this though still affected by it but at least we have detailed records to advocacy our advice Reader Dear Reader If the letter writer severs the relationship with their friend who is clearly experiencing chosen healthcare trauma and anxiety and the friend dies or gets worse having a written record of their separation is going to be a cold comfort There are other solutions both therapeutic and personal Dear Eric I am an anesthesiologist in Boston While it wasn t the point of the letter from Caring Friend I yearned to let the writer know that MRIs can be done with sedation for patients with indications claustrophobia pain causing an inability to lay still or flat delirium dementia etc I did one nowadays with sedation It is definitely more common at bigger institutions but should be an option at almost any hospital that has an MRI machine and an anesthesiologist They may not want the MRI for fear of the assessment or several other reason as opposed to the claustrophobia but this option does exist Related Articles Harriette Cole Need-to-know lessons from a beautiful mother Miss Manners Our school s tutor appreciation week is so tacky Dear Abby I left my husband after his tantrum Should I trust that he has changed Asking Eric My brother wants to reconnect I just want the Dear Abby I thought I was a good mother so why does my son act this way Best of luck to this person Another Option Dear Another Option Thanks for writing Multiple readers responded to this letter with stories of their positive experiences with open MRIs as was suggested in the column or sedation as you ve recommended here I hope the letter writer will feel empowered to help the friend explore other avenues for curative care as they seek answers to their troubling clues Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com